Thrumblenose heroes 1: Andrew Sachs

Andrew Sachs

It’s been a sad spectacle to witness the hysteria and subsequent witchhunt over Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross’s misjudged and, let’s be honest, crass phone call to Andrew Sachs. Having a wayward granddaughter hardly makes him a deserving target for mockery, which is of course why the whole thing misfired so badly. (Well, that and the rabble-rousing Mail’s pathological hatred of the way the BBC is funded.) But throughout this lamentable episode Sachs has shown true class, accepting their belated apologies and dropping the whole matter without any needless fuss.

But enough about it, here at Thrumblenose Towers we prefer to concentrate on the good stuff. And so it was that John (m’colleague, if you will, and even if you won’t) reminded me of a wonderful but little-known gem from Sachs’ C.V.

Tales from the crypt

Tales From The Crypt was a delightfully silly radio comedy from around 1981 featuring Andrew Sachs, Rory McGrath, Griff Rhys Jones, Mel Smith and Chrissy Roberts. Sachs played the splendidly-monikered Professor Glompus Van de Hloed, a retired Belgian supernatural investigator who runs a mini-cab firm. That the bizarre plot makes little sense matters little as the cast are clearly having so much fun that the shambolically fun atmosphere is infectious.

Unfortunately reliable information about the show is sketchy at best, but it’s a lost classic and worthy of a comprehensive article of its own. So while we put that together let us tease you with a few choice lines from the show…

Sergeant Porno:
“I think he died of Dutch Elm disease, sir.”

Inspector Bribeeasy:
“Why sergeant? Well look sir, he’s got no leaves.”

Creephole:
“We ‘ave a lot of sayings in Cornwall. Red sky at night, shepherd’s delight. Red sky in the morning, shepherd’s warning. Minced beef and mashed potato, shepherd’s pie.”

Sergeant Porno:
“I found a little box of white pills. Thought it might be drugs, sir.”

Inspector Bribeeasy:
“Yeah, so what did you do with it?”

Sergeant Porno:
“Well I didn’t want to take any chances, obviously, so I immediately went to the bathroom and poured the whole lot down my throat.”

Inspector Bribeeasy:
“Then what did you do?”

Sergeant Porno:
“Then I flew to Neptune on a magic swan.”

Andrew Sachs’ work on Fawlty Towers and Tales From The Crypt make him a worthy inductee as our inaugural Thrumblenose Hero!